Anyone But Me
by Lynn5
Summary: A car accident changes a relationship A/C
1. Default Chapter

1 Anyone But Me  
  
Author: Lynn  
  
Part 1/?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing.  
  
Summary: A car accident changes a relationship A/C  
  
A/N: This is my first fanfic ever. I really enjoy everyone else's stories and thought I'd try it too. Please read and review. For anyone who's interested, I'm starting my own website: www.geocities.com/lynnd142. However, right now it's still in construction.  
  
Anyone But Me  
  
Part One  
  
A bottle of wine rested half-empty on the kitchen table. A dark-haired girl sat at the table, her head in her arms. She was bawling her eyes out. Every few minutes, a Kleenex floated over to her; the used one floated away.  
  
"What's wrong with me, Dennis?!" She sobbed, hiccupping from the alcohol and crying.  
  
"I mean, let's take a look at my love life, huh? I dated jock after idiot jock. But they didn't want to date me! They wanted to date "Queen C". Then… Xander!! Xander, of all people! It was such a risk for me – I lost all my social status. And, you know what – I didn't care! I loved the lug. But he didn't love me. Buffy and Willow; I would never mean as much to him as they did. It took me a long time to get over him.  
  
"No one has ever loved me. Doyle – maybe he did. But I was too foolish…to self-absorbed and clueless. I didn't notice him until it was too late. But, still, in the end, he chose to be a hero over being with me!  
  
"Now, Groo! Sweet, simple Groo! He didn't love me; it's why I asked him to leave. He didn't want to be with me, with Cordy. He wanted "his Princess". And I'm not a princess – I stopped being a princess a long time ago.  
  
"But, you know what, Dennis? None of those guys is why I'm crying, why my heart aches every day.  
  
"I mean, why do you think I cut Groo's hair the way I did – or gave him Angel's clothes to wear? Because the one guy I've ever truly loved, completely and wonderfully, is just like all the rest. Like them, he will never love me. He loves Buffy. Always has, always will. They were meant to be together. The vampire with a soul and the Slayer. How fitting!  
  
"He's just like the rest. None of them loved me. They all wanted anyone but me!"  
  
Cordelia broke down into sobs again. Dennis floated next to her, his long dead heart aching for his friend 


	2. Anyone But Me Part 2

Part Two  
  
Sunlight streamed into the apartment. Cordelia groggily lifted her head off her still-damp arms. Groaning from the hangover, she blocked the light from her eyes and lurched to her feet. Stumbling into the bathroom, Cordelia looked in the mirror, not recognizing the haggard face staring back at her.  
  
Groaning again, she turned on the shower, hoping she could force herself into some presentable form.  
  
An hour later, Cordelia walked into the Hyperion. Her head still hurt from the hangover; her heart still hurt from loneliness. Yet she was determined her friends would not realize this. Kind of ironic, she thought to herself. All through high school, she put on a show: she was "Queen C" – vain, ditzy, bitchy. Now, when I'm more "me" than I've ever been, I still put on a show most of the time. I'm "Cordy". I'm the one that keeps the spirits up. I'm quippy and I care for everyone. No one knows when I'm down in the dumps because if I am, they will be, too. Even when I'm upset or angry with them, none of them really think anything of it because I'm always back to normal soon afterward. I wonder if I'll always be some person putting on a show.Since no one was in the office, she figured Fred and Gunn went for breakfast. Wes either wasn't there yet, or he was holed up in his office. Angel was probably asleep; Lorne was probably watching Connor. She went quickly upstairs, wanting to see the baby. She loved Connor, as if he were own. He would put her in a good mood; he always did.  
  
The nursery door was slightly open, and Lorne's soft crooning wafted out. Cordelia gently pushed it open enough to enter the room.  
  
"Hi there, Lorne." "Hey, yourself. You want him?"  
  
"Sure. Go take a rest or something."  
  
"You bet, hon. Angelcakes will be out for awhile, so you're stuck with the kid. Know how much you'll hate that."  
  
Cordy smiled at the demon, taking the baby from him. When Lorne left, she sat down in the rocking chair. Rocking slightly, she gazed down lovingly at the baby. The little eyes staring back up at her soon hypnotized her. Occasionally he gurgled, sticking a tiny fist up toward her face, wiggling his chubby legs. For the most part, though, he lay quiet, soon falling asleep. Cordy continued watching him, in awe of his perfection.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she sat with him. She didn't even care. 


	3. Anyone But Me Part 3

Part Three  
  
Angel walked down the hall. He was stealthy; he didn't remember how to walk any other way. Stopping outside his son's door, he looked in for a few seconds, enjoying the sight of the baby cradled in his surrogate mother's arms.  
  
God, they're beautiful, he thought.  
  
She's beautiful, you mean, his conscience told him. You know you love her. You know she asked the Groosalug to leave. And yet you do nothing. You lost your chance when he came – you swore if you had a second chance, you'd take it. But you haven't, you big coward.  
  
It's not that easy, he tried to defend himself.  
  
Love never is. 


	4. Anyone But Me Part 4

Part Four  
  
The door to they Hyperion slammed open as Angel, Wesley and Gunn walked in. They were covered in goo from their latest kill, but spirits were high from the victory. Wesley and Angel were trying to talk smack, while Gunn just laughed at them. Fred andCordelia looked up at them, smiling at their antics.  
  
"You guys. Why do two beautiful, smart, vivacious women like us put up with you?" Cordelia joked.  
  
"I ask myself that every day, girl." Gunn said, wrapping his arms around Fred, who all but disappeared next to his larger frame. She smiled and nuzzled into his chest.  
  
Cordy glanced at Wesley, trying to pierce through his carefully constructed defenses. Was he still hurting a lot? She still blamed herself. She shouldn't have encouraged him. She should've known Fred had been talking about Gunn. It wasn't just her love life that was bad – she cursed every love life she became involved in! She couldn't take the pain and guilt anymore right then. She had to leave"Well, now that you guys got the latest big ugly, I'm going home for some R and R."  
  
"Ok, I'll walk you home," Angel said.  
  
"No, no. Clean up – you're disgusting. I've got a stake and some holy water. I'll be fine."  
  
Angel looked conflicted. He was sore from the battle and desperately wanted a shower, but it was his duty to protect Cordelia.  
  
"C'mon, Angel. I'll be fine – I have the best self-defense trainer, after all." Giving him a small smile, she walked around him and out the door.  
  
"Call when you get home, 'k?" Angel called after her. She waved back at him without even turning to look back. 


	5. Anyone But Me Part 5

Part Five  
  
Twenty minutes later, Angel stepped out of the shower, steam enveloping his body. Quickly dressing, he went downstairs to make sure Cordy had called.  
  
Sticking his head around Wesley's office door, he knocked and smiled at the former Watcher, already back in research mode.  
  
"Hey, Wes? Cordy call?"  
  
Wesley looked up at him, a perplexed look on his face.  
  
"Not that I know of. Maybe she talked to one of the others."  
  
"Ok." Backing out into the lobby, he turned to Gunn and Fred, who were cuddling on the couch, quietly talking.  
  
"Guys, did Cordy call?" "Nope." Gunn said, looking at Fred. She shook her head.  
  
Now the fear was beginning to rise up in Angel's throat. He quickly bounded upstairs, throwing open the nursery door. Lorne jumped, putting a hand to his hear.  
  
"Whoa, Angelcakes!"  
  
"Sorry. Did Cordy call?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Angel reached the phone in two steps.  
  
"Please, please, just let her have forgotten."  
  
The phone rang once…twice… three…four times.  
  
"Hi, this is Cordelia. Wait for the beep. Thanks!"  
  
Beep.  
  
"Cordy? Cordy! Are you there? Please pick up!" Angel slammed the phone down, running out of the room, leaving Lorne looking scared.  
  
The other three were in the lobby.  
  
"She's not at home; I'm going to go find her." Angel announced.  
  
"Do you need help, Angel? Wesley asked.  
  
"No, I can move faster on my own."  
  
Angel walked toward Cordy's apartment. The roads were familiar, but he looked carefully back and forth. Were there signs of a struggle? Was there…blood…anywhere?  
  
Flashing lights ahead grabbed his attention. A squad car and an ambulance. Angel's stomach lurched as he started to run.  
  
"Please, no!" He chanted under his breath. Turning the corner, he saw a grisly scene. A car had lost control and slammed right into the wall of a warehouse. Why had they pulled it away from the wall then? Looking harder, his vampiric senses kicked in. Blood. Someone had been in between the car and the wall.  
  
"Excuse me, sir. You need to back away." A policeman appeared at Angel's side, gently pushing him back.  
  
"I'm looking for my friend – young woman, attractive, dark hair streaked with blond?  
  
Emotions played across the cop's face.  
  
"Come with me." Angel followed the officer around the car, over to where two elderly officers in plain clothes stood talking.  
  
"Chief?" The officer with Angel called out and the man on the left turned toward them.  
  
"Yes, Pete?"  
  
"This guy here knows our Jane Doe – described her to a T."  
  
The Chief broke away from the other man and walked toward Angel.  
  
"I'm Chief Roberts."  
  
"Angel."  
  
"What's your friend's name?"  
  
"Cordy. Uh…Cordelia Chase."  
  
"Well, Angel. What we figure happened is this. Driver here is drunk, jumped the curb and smashed into Miss Chase, pinning her to the wall. Fortunately, the guy over there," the Chief pointed at a frazzled, middle-aged man talking to one of the officers, "saw it and called it in."  
  
"Where is Cordy? Is she okay?"  
  
An ambulance took her to County ten minutes ago. She's in critical condition. One of my guys can bring you there."  
  
"Thanks." 


	6. Anyone But Me Part 6

Part Six  
  
Bring! The phone rang loudly, its shrill call piercing the silence that the rest of AI had been sitting in since Angel left. Wesley lunged for the phone before it could ring twice.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Wes?" Angel's voice sounded strained.  
  
"Angel? Did you find her?" The other three turned toward Wesley, hope in their eyes.  
  
"Cordy" Angel's voice broke. "Cordy was hit by a car, Wes. We're at County."  
  
"Oh, good Lord." Wes glanced at the others with a stricken look on his face. Fred's hand fluttered to her mouth, while Gunn stood up and began to pace.  
  
"We'll be there as soon as possible." Wes hung up the phone and filled in the others. Wesley grabbed the spare set of keys and they went out to Angel's car. Wesley didn't stop once the entire drive to the hospital. It was a good thing no cops were around; he'd never see a driver's license again.  
  
Parking in the closest available spot, they ran into the building and over to the receptionist's desk.  
  
"Hello, can you tell us where Cordelia Chase is?"  
  
"One moment…Room 319."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
They stepped off the elevator and followed the signs to a small, private room – Angel must have put up some money to get her her own room.  
  
Knocking, Wesley led the way in.  
  
On the bed lay a pale, bruised Cordy. Her chest moved up and down rhythmically, helped by a tube down her throat. Various machines beeped loudly.  
  
Angel sat at a chair next to her bed. He held her hand and never took his eyes off of her, even when the others came in. After a few seconds, Wes cleared his throat.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"She's still unconscious – critical but stable. The doctors said it's a miracle she pulled through. I figure it's because she's part demon." "That may be."  
  
"I just don't understand. We've prepared every day for a monster attack. She knows how to stake. We never thought it would be something like this – something so mundane. It's not fair."  
  
"Don't worry, Angel. It's not your fault. She'll be okay."  
  
Angel didn't respond. Taking their cue from him, the rest remained silent as well. Sitting down in various corners of the room, the gang settled in for a long night. After a couple of hours, Lorne left with Conner to go back to the hotel. Fred and Wesley both nodded off shortly after he left; Gunn held out a little longer, but he soon succumbed to sleep, too.  
  
Angel, however, was wide awake the whole night, never taking his eyes off the bruised, beautiful face. The rhythmic sounds of the ventilator were almost hypnotic. While the scene was almost peaceful despite the circumstances, inwardly Angel was feeling more guilt than he ever felt in his long, long life.  
  
You failed her. You're supposed to protect her. But no, you just let her walk out. And now look at her. She's in so much pain. You don't deserve her. She should be with someone who can live up to their promises. You may love her, but how can you expect her to even consider loving you back? You, who she can't depend on. It's a good thing you were such a coward and never told her. Now she'll never have to be concerned about hurting your feelings. Obviously she would have been. Such a kind person – she wouldn't have wanted to hurt you, but she would have said she didn't love you…and never could. Why did you ever think she could love you? You're a monster! You can't be with her during the day, can't give her what she needs, can't grow old with her – unless you shansu, of course. But who knows when that will be? She might be an old woman by then – or dead and gone!  
  
No, it's better that you never told her. It would've only hurt her in the long run. And you – you deserve to hurt. 


End file.
